Post Mother's Day

Each Mother's Day I try to focus on my own mother, so Saturday I took her to lunch and we went to Hallmark to walk around. Well my birthday is on memorial day this year and my mom was asking me what I wanted as a present... and honestly, I haven't thought much about it... because the things that I want can't be bought at a store.

But anyway, as we were walking around we saw these necklaces and bracelets that you can put little charm things inside of... I told her how I have been looking for infertility jewelry to wear all the time. So my mom talked me into getting a bracelet as my birthday present from her...

The jewels are pink and blue, heart shaped, and there is the little angel. I absolutely love it! She helped me pick them out and I do wear it all the time. It is almost soothing to have on, because oddly enough when the heart charm is just right I can hold it in my hand and it is calming. Which is a good thing cause I needed it...

I didn't realize just how hard this mother's day would be, I  mean I knew it was going to be difficult but I felt like I could burst into tears at any moment. I hated it.
I spent most of the night late Saturday night in the bathroom crying my eyes out, its hard for my husband to see me cry... so I spared him the heartache too, I guess I figured if I got it out of my system then I wouldn't have any problem later. Wrong. 

I had decided that I was not going to go to all of church, I skipped sacrament, I had a gut feeling that I wouldn't make it through it without crying and I really feel like ruining my make up.

During Sunday school, I got to cuddle my sweet 7 month old niece, I love her so much. But sometimes its hard...

When you are holding someone else's baby and it starts to cry... the baby doesn't want you... its want their mom. Stab and heartache. Because then you have to give them up and you arms are empty again.

Luckily, I have a family... who after learning some infertility etiquette, has been very supportive and protective of me and my feelings. And for that I am grateful. My sister-in-law has always been so willing to let me help with the kids and knows that sometimes I just need to hold the baby for a minute. Cause it helps.

While I'm thinking about it, I do plan on blogging about our IVF experience, I just have to finish typing it up... reliving it is not fun. But I learned a lot and for that I am grateful.

Until next time...

My love to all!